I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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