Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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