Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
