oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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