the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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