Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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