a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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