I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
