I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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