Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
