just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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