YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
