Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
