I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
