haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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