I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
