wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
wakey wakey hands off snakey
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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