omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
