I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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