you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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