there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
