yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
