yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can't special order awesome
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
