Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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