Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
