we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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