if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
