I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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