So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Are my feet made of real feet?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
