Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
