chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
