Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
