my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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