...so i touched it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
