I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize