oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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