nut hugger
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
