Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am one with the molecules
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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