dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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