Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
