So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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