i was rollin on her like bob the builder
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
