whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
