I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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