Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
