Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
