was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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