I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
