But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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