So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
