The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
