The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
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I just had sex on a roof
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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