I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize