she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
