I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
