You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
