ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize