If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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