butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
