Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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