you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
