I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
