go do what you do best...puke behind churches
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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