I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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