I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
