We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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