i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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