i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
