U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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