my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this is an emotional support booty call
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
