he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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