i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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