you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
