I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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