pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
