I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
