Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
