normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
