So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
