There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
